Most people that I see walking around in the streets seem like they got something shoved up their ass, no one smiles, everyone's in a hurry, people are not conscientious about where they're walking, they suddenly just hit and bump into you, I mean dammit brother why can't you fucking see me walking, pay attention friend.
Sometimes I ask myself what am I supposed to be doing now that I'm 20, its like a new level, a new course in life, so I feel like I should make something of this life, we're not going to live forever I mean, might as well leave a mark on this world, this is I guess a way to leave a mark, to be remembered. I think we all want that, to be remembered, to have lived a life of purpose, to confirm to yourself that your existence in this world was not pointless. I want to live my life with no regrets.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Page 1: The Other Side Of Me.
I don't really understand why I'm doing this, its one of those times where you're just living the moment, I guess I'm doing this because I've got lots of shit on my mind, and I need a medium where I channel all my emotions so that I won't go insane. Funny how Insane rhymes with my name, Hussen haha.. That actually rhymed. I felt so at peace today, so relaxed, and then it hit me, all the memories of my dad telling me one day you'll learn Hussen, one day you'll be a man, referring to all those stupid mistakes I made when I was working with him, I was childish then, he used to always get angry at me when I lost something, or when I made a mistake.
I lost my phone while running accross the traffic light in the rain, and since this is Melbourne, it was dark too, I didn't realise it till like half an hour later, I was wondering why no one was calling or smsing me to go out or something, this was 9pm saturday night and this wasn't normal, so I searched for it, I was stoned too hehe, in the pockets of my pants, in my sweater, on the table, and it wasn't there, and Zarif was telling me to chill and it happens, and Rickie said he lost his phone 9 times, I was like fuck man I only lost it twice, he said there you go hehe. I was slightly relieved.
Then I had to inform my dad, cause of course I knew my mom was probably panicking by now thinking I must have died, she's so dramatic my mother, she calls me everyday cause she misses me, even though I pretend to hate it, I even go so far as to tell her not to call, yet on some level, I really do appreciate her. So I e-mail'd my dad, told him what happpened, said I know I made a mistake, and I learned from it. I got the reply, an oh man was I shocked, he said it was ok, that I could get another phone, I don't want another phone, the very fact that he said that to me means he acknowledged me as a human being and as an adult, which is why I miss him so much, me and Dad didn't always get along, work and shit stressed out his life and me and my mom were the medium he used to channel his frustrations sometimes, not physical abuse, but like he gets really angry and says really fucked up things, he never meant it though, I always knew that. I love my Dad, no matter who I am in this world, no matter how famous or how great I will be, I will always remember my parents, I will always take care of them. I realize the person I look up to most in this world is my Dad, I always want his approval but that doesn't mean I don't disagree with him, it just means I want him to see my way of thinking for once.
I lost my phone while running accross the traffic light in the rain, and since this is Melbourne, it was dark too, I didn't realise it till like half an hour later, I was wondering why no one was calling or smsing me to go out or something, this was 9pm saturday night and this wasn't normal, so I searched for it, I was stoned too hehe, in the pockets of my pants, in my sweater, on the table, and it wasn't there, and Zarif was telling me to chill and it happens, and Rickie said he lost his phone 9 times, I was like fuck man I only lost it twice, he said there you go hehe. I was slightly relieved.
Then I had to inform my dad, cause of course I knew my mom was probably panicking by now thinking I must have died, she's so dramatic my mother, she calls me everyday cause she misses me, even though I pretend to hate it, I even go so far as to tell her not to call, yet on some level, I really do appreciate her. So I e-mail'd my dad, told him what happpened, said I know I made a mistake, and I learned from it. I got the reply, an oh man was I shocked, he said it was ok, that I could get another phone, I don't want another phone, the very fact that he said that to me means he acknowledged me as a human being and as an adult, which is why I miss him so much, me and Dad didn't always get along, work and shit stressed out his life and me and my mom were the medium he used to channel his frustrations sometimes, not physical abuse, but like he gets really angry and says really fucked up things, he never meant it though, I always knew that. I love my Dad, no matter who I am in this world, no matter how famous or how great I will be, I will always remember my parents, I will always take care of them. I realize the person I look up to most in this world is my Dad, I always want his approval but that doesn't mean I don't disagree with him, it just means I want him to see my way of thinking for once.
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